To me the thing that would be worse then dying, would have to be me having to watch some one in my family die. It’s happened to me before, I’ve lost my dad. He wasn’t there for me, so when he died my mind wouldn’t let me cry... I just couldn’t feel for a stranger… I mean it hurt.. It hurt a lot but after what he did to my mom, I kind of think that he sort of deserved what came to him. Does that make me a bad person..? “I don’t know you tell me”.

Since my dad wasn’t there, I had to show myself how to be a man, that’s probably why I don’t take kindly to any man that lays his hand on a female. I guess that my older brother is just like my dad, he would try to beat up his ex-girl friend in front of me and it would turn in to a big old fight. My brother and I have never talk things out we just always got mad, argued, and stood up and let our fist do the talking. That kind of shows that, I wouldn’t let it happen while I was there. I fight my older brother because of it. I really wish it wasn’t that way… but it is. The part I find funny is that, my older brother started acting like that when he found out my dad died. So I guess that his death impacted us in more then one way. I honestly don’t know what I’d do if something ever happens to my mom or brothers.. I hope that nothing ever does happen because from how many friends and close family that i've lost, I don’t know how much more I can take, but that’s life. So all I can do is hope and pray for the best..